Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
