I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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