you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MIDGETS
????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize