thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
