the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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