Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
