i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
