They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
