Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
