I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
