I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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