I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
