I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
