its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
