so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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