My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
