I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
