My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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