I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
