She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize