I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
