Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
