it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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