My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
