I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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