we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
