Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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