My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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