Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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