I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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