His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
