my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
