remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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