I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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