I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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