Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
