kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
