youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
