This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
