Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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