Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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