So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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