I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
