I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
