you guys were way drunker than both of me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
