having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
