sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
