if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
