I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
