just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
