AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
