if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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