The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
