whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
