I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
