I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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