yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
