apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
