I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize