she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
