he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
