this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
