the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
