Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
