I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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