No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it because I queefed?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
