Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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