You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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