remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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