she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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