after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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