Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
