wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
