Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
