omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
