It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
