seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My vagina is officially offended.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
