I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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