Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize