where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
