I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
