There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize