ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
