OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
