I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
