I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
