How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
