I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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