Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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