i don't like sucking hair
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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