yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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