just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
