Already got asked if we're dating
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize