He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
