there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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