So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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